"I didn't think you were a Filipina. I thought you were Indian," a new acquaintance tells me. I pause and, instead of getting upset like I used to, I say "I get that a lot."
I do get that kind of comment a lot. One of my close friends here in Geneva told me that at first she thought I was from South America. Someone told me I look Middle Eastern. Most people say I look Indian. The closest guess was Malaysian.
One Filipina asked my Filipina friend in Tagalog, referring to me, "Anong lahi nya?" My friend said "Pilipina po". The lady continued, "Ay talaga, akala ko ibang lahi." And I answered, partly to let her know I understood every word she said, with conviction, "Pinay po ako. Bisdak (bisayang dako) ako."
I am proud to be Pinay. I used to get sad when people mistake me to be from another country, because being a Filipina is a great part of my identity. I am proud to be from the land of eternal sunshine, except for the monsoon months, as described in Glee. I am proud of be of the people who love to laugh, sing, and eat, who have strong family ties and strong faith in God, who are resilient, talented and capable. One of my proudest moments was when my officemate, who is from Sierra Leone, tells me that her husband had a Filipina officemate and told her that "You are lucky to have a Filipina officemate."
It's funny when people insist that I am not Pinay. Like, when I was waiting in a hotel in Korea, an Egyptian man approached me and asked where I was from. I said "I am from the Philippines." He said "No, you're not Philippines." (sic) I raised my eyebrows. I was there for the Philippine-Korea Youth Leader Exchange Program. Last time I checked, I was not Korean. "But I am from the Philippines," I repeated. "You don't look like Philippines"(sic), he insisted. I thought, of course, I don't look like a country, because I am a person. But as a pleasant Pinay, I said "I am... uh... mixed. Chinese-Spanish-Filipino." To this he said, "Me too. Spanish-Egyptian. Mixed."
Mixed. That was what my Vietnamese friend said about me when we were introduced. "You look kind of 'mixed', yes?" To which I jokingly replied "Yeah, like a mongrel?" I proceeded to explain that most of the people in the Visayas region, where I am from, looked like me. We have a lot of Chinese and Spanish influences. My dad calls our city, "Tagbilaran City, the city of mus-Lim", because there are a lot of residents with "Lim" as family name. Most Lim.
So I am "mixed". I have brown hair, brown eyes, aquiline nose and fair skin. That does not make me less of a Filipino. Instead, my being "mixed" is part of my being a Filipino. It tells of a country which was under 300 years of Spanish colonial rule. It tells of a country with rich history and diverse culture.
What is funnier though is when people compare me to a totally different creature. "Ate Boots, you look like a vampire", my student in Ateneo told me. "Excuse me?" I reacted. "It's your eyes. When vampires feed on animals, their eyes turn topaz," she explained. And it happened again here Geneva, with a friend saying "Oh my God, your eyes are so brown you look like a vampire". First... a vampire? Not so flattering. But in this Twilight generation, I guess looking like Edward Cullen is not so bad. So I will take it as a compliment. Second, a vampire is not a Filipino creature. Yes, I would mind being called 'aswang', though I heard aswangs are beautiful. But at least aswang is from Philippine folklore...
And so, I may look like an Indian vampire (or maybe a Malaysian one), but I am 100% Pinay. I crave for balut, isaw, isdang paksiw. I love eating nilagang saging with ginamos. I use tabo. I interchange my i and e. I care about Manny Pacquiao winning, or who PNoy is dating. And of course I dream that Philippines would have political and economic growth. I pray that the poverty situation will be alleviated, that there will be no more hungry children, and that everyone will have a chance at getting an education and a better life. My life goals include helping the Philippines in whatever way I can.
I always wear my Pilipinas shirt when I go somewhere. It is the shirt where the map of the Philippines is embroidered on the left chest. It signifies that wherever I go, no matter how far, no matter how lost I get, I have a map to lead me home.....
And I think that what makes me Pinay. I always call the Philippines my home. And I carry home in my heart.
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